I’m Listening, Lord…

September 20, 2017September 20, 2017 The Not-So Newlywed LefebvresLeave a comment

At this point, I almost feel like a broken record – except that I have been silent for so long, it is more like a broken record player. Yes, I am a bad blogger – and vlogger, to that point. Certainly beginning work on my Masters of Divinity has cut into my blogging time, as I am constantly writing and reading – but not about blog-able topics to be sure! We have also been grieving, though. Not only in the loss of our pregnancy two days after Mother’s Day, but also in the fact that our second, and last, round of IVF failed – and we have no remaining embryos, and a big question mark as we face our future.

As I sit back and reflect, and try to wrap my mind around the fact, that I may never carry a child, to term, on my own…that we may never have a biological child, I am reminded of the Bible verse that graces our kitchen’s chalkboard: Psalm 113:9.

He gives the childless woman a family, making her a happy mother. Praise the LORD! (NLT)

I can never put from my mind the memory of the vision the Lord granted me nearly four years ago. Interestingly, I know of two other women to whom God gave a clear vision of a child or children who are still ‘barren’. It is easy to abandon hope and believe the God-given dream to be a figment of imagination, but faith reminds me He brings beauty from ashes. If we are to have a child now, after every medical option is exhausted, it is He who is glorified, and even more so. If we adopt a child someday, he or she will be appreciated and loved and rejoiced over that much more.

Our waiting in this season, as I approach my 35th birthday this week, reminds me that I felt like I hoped, prayed, begged, and waited for an interminable amount of time for Craig…and yet, God knew what He was doing. My husband was worth every bit of waiting, and appeared on the scene at precisely the right time in life.

While it is difficult to surrender all to Him in this instance, it is the only choice we have, and that still, small voice beckons me to drop my agenda and rest in Him.

Listen closely. What is His still, small voice asking of you?

TTC Tuesday

Though You Slay Me

May 30, 2017May 30, 2017 The Not-So Newlywed Lefebvres6 Comments

Crying in front of people doesn’t come easy for me. I was told once, as a child, that I looked like a duck when I cried, and that was that – I have tried to hold back the tears ever since. But there are just certain times when ‘logic’ is thrown out the window. Times when the pain is too heavy to hold in. When the tears are too quick to wipe away before someone sees.

Unfortunately, I have had some practice crying over the past few weeks. Alas, I haven’t mastered *not* looking like a duck…

I guess it isn’t *popular* to discuss the awful parts of life, but I’ve never been one to follow the crowd. After almost five years of prayers and hope and tears, we found out on April 21st we were finally pregnant…And then, at 8 weeks, we miscarried. There was nothing that could have prevented it. No womb has been prayed over more – before or after pregnancy. We have had faith out the wazoo for years (and still do). The truth is: CRAPPY THINGS HAPPEN. That’s why this is the fallen world we live in, and why we anxiously await Heaven and its unimaginable perfection. {If you want the full, detailed story, visit our YouTube channel here.}

So far, we are still searching for meaning in all of this. Eerily, this feels all too similar to our failed adoption last summer, and we were only just beginning to ‘heal’ from that heartbreak. Thus, I can tell you that what I have learned is that biology has little to do with matters of the heart. Losing our own biological child, and the one we grew to love in our hearts from afar has dealt the same pain.

We need your prayers as we heal and begin to move forward. We know we are called to be parents, and have faith that God’s plan for our family is infinitely greater and more incredible than we could ever imagine.

As we have grieved these past weeks, we’ve heard and read so many things contrary to our beliefs:

From A Christian Publication: Miscarriage is punishment for something you have done.
From A Christian Book About Marriage: When facing miscarriage and infertility, you have to realize when is the time to give up on your dream of having children.
From A *Trusted* Christian Leader: This pregnancy would have continued smoothly if only you had had enough faith.

Seriously. As we have searched for answers in the midst of this tragedy, these are all things we have read or heard…All of them claim to be ‘Christian’ points-of-view, but not a single one of them is Scripturally-sound. There is not one woman in the Bible who remains barren for life. There is also no guarantee of a stress-free life of ease in the Christian journey. Why would there be? Aren’t we meant to long for Christ’s return and our Eternal Home in Heaven?

As I dwell on upsetting, make-me-cry-like-a-duck life events, I recall Paul, Sarah & Abraham, Hannah, Jesus, Job. No *happiness-only* lives there. In James 1:1-13, we learn that trials in life mold us into mature Christians, as we learn to submit wholly to Jesus, and trust in Him completely. This doesn’t make sense to us, of course – myself included, but as the prophet Isaiah tells us:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts. Neither are your ways my ways, saith Jehovah. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isa. 55:8-9)

God’s ways are certainly not our ways, and far far above and beyond anything we could fathom or comprehend, but speaking to the loss of a child-in-utero being a punishment, have you ever heard of Job? Most faithful man on the entire planet in his day? He lost his whole family and all of his belongings, and the Bible is clear when it relates that it wasn’t the result of sin.

But the real ‘lesson’, I suppose, is not in the causation so much as in the response:

“Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.” (Job 13:15)

And so that is how we are trying to respond to this trial. It’s all we can do. Trust and wait on Him. Though we are heartbroken, yet will we stand in our faith.

Thirsty For Christ Thursday · TTC Tuesday · Uncategorized

Our First Christian Passover Meal

April 18, 2017 The Not-So Newlywed LefebvresLeave a comment

In the midst of this round of IVF, I think I speak for both Craig and myself when I say we have been in prayer around the clock. So many times when we pray, any of us, we are so focused on one thing, in one neat and tiny box, in exactly the way we ‘imagine’ it to arrive. Fortunately, our God doesn’t always stay within our human confines for Him, and He can use our intimate quiet moments of prayer to bring something to our hearts we didn’t know was even relevant to what we were asking.

One thing the Lord has placed on our hearts in a huge way this year has been creating our own family traditions. Genesis 2:24 instructs married couples to leave their parents and cleave to one another. This doesn’t mean to abandon your families or set off on a journey through the desert alone like the Lone Ranger. No, it means that marriage is special. Sacred. It means that we operate as a unit of one with our spouse. We make all decisions together. We rely on one another for support and love. We don’t look elsewhere for that which we should be providing each other. The priest who led us in our pre-marital counseling gave us the best advice of all: Don’t bring friends and parents into your relationships. If there is a problem beyond what you can handle with your spouse, seek spiritual guidance – from your priest, pastor, Christian counselor and from the Lord.

Honestly, that has been some of the best ever advice, and through many trials and tribulations, Craig and I have come through – stronger, wiser, closer and better equipped for ‘what’s next’. And what the Lord has revealed over the past several months has even shed some extra light on our move to Maine…

As a childless married couple, we are often ‘grouped in at the kids’ table’ for lack of a better analogy. With no children in tow, it’s easy to consider us as a temporary situation or just ‘off playing house way out in Maine’ – I imagine it’s a subconscious act, but it’s present nonetheless.

This year, we had the opportunity to spend an incredibly brief 36 hours together over Christmas, and unlike other years, in which we have scrambled and scraped to be in one place or another to celebrate the holiday with one of our extended families; this year, we felt as if we could – and even should – simply enjoy our time together. Create our own family traditions for each holiday. And even, begin to discuss with seriousness, how we would share and celebrate Christmas with our children ‘one day’. Leave and cleave.

Over our 36 hour Christmas, we read the story of Jesus’ miraculous birth from the Bible – while we sipped champagne. We enjoyed sleeping in as long as we possibly could, aware that next year there could be a baby crying down the hall. Sweet friends from church said they felt sad we were spending Christmas ‘alone’ and invited us to celebrate with them. It was a generous thought – but honestly, we just enjoyed each other.

This year, just before Easter and our embryo transfer, God spoke to us and encouraged us to add in a new and important tradition – for our family. We had been praying and begging and crying for a precious baby, and the Lord didn’t say yay or nay. He simply asked us to begin a new tradition this year – one for our family. A tradition that would be important to share with our children.

Isn’t it amazing how the Lord answers your prayers with His own amazing Ways?

Us: Lord, please. We long to be parents. You asked us to see first Your Kingdom, and we are seeking You, Lord. Please, Holy Father, bless us with children.

God: There is a new tradition I want you to celebrate. One that will bring light to Easter. One that will be important to share with your children.

Just as Noah cried out: Save me from this sinful land!

And God answered: Build an enormous boat in this desert.

Answered prayer isn’t always as plain as we hope it to be.

And so in answer to His request, we studied the Passover and we prepared for our first celebration of this long-standing tradition. You can too – this is an amazing pdf file that leads you step by step through the celebration of the Messianic Passover meal. I won’t even begin to try to magnify its unbelievable significance and undeniable parallels for Christians…Please click on the above link, and you will be flabbergasted to discover that (SHOCK!) God really was in control and knew what He was instituting all along!

Really, our faith makes a mustard seed seem huge sometimes.

The Passover Lamb – totally unblemished and pure | Jesus – Our Sinless Savior.

The matzoh bread – unleavened, pierced and striped | Jesus – sinless, pierced and striped for our salvation.

The lighting of the Passover candles by a woman | Jesus – light of the world, brought into existence by a woman.

Blessed are You, O Lord our God, King of the universe, who has kept us in life, sustained us and enabled us to reach this season!

Blessed are You, O Lord our God, King of the universe, who sanctified us in Yeshua the Messiah, the Light of the World and our Passover Lamb.

“It is appropriate the woman lights the candles that bring light to the Passover celebration. It reminds us that Messiah is the “Seed of the Woman” and the Light of the World, who will overcome the powers of darkness and restore truth and life.”

“Knowing He had been given all authority in Heaven and on Earth and He had eternally shared the glory of God and would soon return again to share God’s glory, [the] Messiah acted as a servant and washed the feet of His disciples. He set for all time the supreme example of servanthood and humility. Let us now wash our hands.”

Karpas: Parsley; Passover, is celebrated during spring, when the Earth is green again with life. This parsley represents life. It is dipped into salt water, representing tears. This is a reminder of God’s people’s slavery in Egypt, and also represents hyssop – the plant dipped in the blood of the Passover lamb and applied to the doorposts of the Hebrew homes in Egypt.

Maror: Bitter Herbs; This is eaten because the ‘Egyptians embittered the lives of the Hebrews they enslaved.’ For the Christian and Messianic Jew, we remember the bitterness of life before we were saved by Christ’s death and resurrection!

Charoset: Sweet Apple Mixture; “This represents the mud mixed with straw to make the bricks to build Pharaoh’s cities. It reminds us that, if we really know the Three-In-One God and know that we are redeemed, there can still be sweetness – even in the midst of life’s most bitter circumstances…This reminds us that the sons and daughters of God…whom the Father purchased with the blood of His own Son, and for whom He has prepared an everlasting inheritance, must endure trials in order to enter the Kingdom of God. Though we may be despised by the world, we are kings and queens and a royal priesthood.”

Our make-shift Matzatash is the white cloth to the right. A piece of matzoh is divided into 3 separate ‘compartments’, separated by a piece of cloth. The middle piece is removed, broken in half, and one half is placed back in the middle section of the Matzatash. The other half is placed in a cloth and hidden. As Christians and Messianic Jews, we recognize that these three piece of matzoh represent the Triune God – the Father (whom no eye has seen), the Son of God, Messiah (who reveals God to us), and the Holy Spirit (whom no eye has seen).

The middle matzoh is removed – just as the Son of God came down from Heaven and was revealed to us as our Savior on Earth. It is unleavened just as Jesus lived a perfectly sinless life. It is stripped and pierced just as Jesus was for our transgressions.

This meal touched our hearts so much and was an even more thorough representation of the sacrifice of Jesus Christ for His children than we could have ever imagined. There is so much more beauty in this Passover meal than I can relay to you. I do hope you’ll visit the link I mentioned above and learn more for your own family! Who knows – maybe next year, your family will be celebrating both Passover and Easter alongside ours!

God's Will · TTC Tuesday · Uncategorized

Our Unexpected Journey

April 4, 2017 The Not-So Newlywed LefebvresLeave a comment

Wow. Where do I even begin? I haven’t posted since August 26th…there’s a new domain name for our site…so much has happened…

The Lord has been knocking on my heart to begin blogging about Him – to share His Holy Name with the world, and to be honest, I’ve been lazy. I’ve been intimidated by the responsibility. I’ve been hiding in my grief after losing my precious baby boy this summer. But God continues His knocking, His beautiful persistence. And this morning I literally had no choice. I was compelled to follow His nudging. So let me catch you up on our journey to now.

I’ll begin at the beguine. If you are new to The Not-So Newlywed Lefebvres, I would ask you to back up a few posts and get a little bit of back story…but for any of you who have followed us for awhile now, you might remember that all Craig and I have ever longed for is a child. God promised us our precious Jonah Elizabeth, and we have been waiting ~~patiently~~ for nearly five years now. We were called to serve God in Maine this past year, and at the end of June 2016, we packed up our home in Georgia to move to a tiny town in Maine, into a big farmhouse we fell in love with. Almost immediately upon our arrival, amidst all of the painting and decorating and revamping, we received a call from the adoption agency we had been courting (but had not yet committed to), with amazing news: they had a precious baby boy (to be born in a month) for us.

As you might imagine, we ran the gamut of emotion: overwhelming joy, utter fear, anxiety, love, and were especially filled with praise for the amazing Father God who had blessed us in such a MIGHTY and unexpected way. Adoption had always been on the table for us. We have always wanted a house-full of children, and the moment we were exactly where God called us to be, here was our baby boy. Overwhelming cannot begin to describe the fullness every emotion carried during that month.

The adoption agency demanded every cent of their funding at the drop of a hat, and while scrambling to prepare a nursery and a home for this precious child, the Lord, literally, blessed us with every cent and every single thing we needed for our miracle. I could not have been more in love with a child if he had been growing in my own womb. I must have cried tears of joy 60% of every single day. Every. Need. Was. Met. In less than a month. How can that be attributed to anyone but God?

I spent afternoons with the birthmother. I heard our boy’s heartbeat, watched him wiggle on the ultrasounds, saw him kick her stomach. He was my miracle. And then, he was not.

On August 17th, the birthmother’s parents intervened and told the agency their daughter could not give her child up for adoption. This precious child who they had tried to abort in the first months; who was the victim of alcohol and heroin and methamphetamine and cocaine abuse… And there was nothing we could do, but pray.

And we did. A whole army of prayer warriors rose up and prayed for this situation. But alas, what I believe was God’s Will was not done. And we were left standing there, not knowing if we could move or breathe or smile ever again. I have never known that kind of pain – pain I still face whenever I allow myself to think about our would-have-been baby boy…So I try not to.

Our failed adoption led to persistent longing. In prayer, the Lord was urging us on as He had never done before in pursuit of parenthood. It ~~was~~ as if a lion had been awakened from slumber. Friends reached out of the woodwork and recommended specialists and volunteered themselves to help in anyway they could have. It was beautiful.

On one such recommendation, we made an appointment with a doctor of functional medicine in Minnesota, Dr. Paul Deglmann. And in the same breath, we also made an appointment with Boston IVF, to speak with them about our options – maybe after 4 years and all of this heartache, we felt it was time to see if an IUI was an option for our family.

‘Dr. Paul’ in Minnesota, proved to be excellent and bring-about some thought-provoking insights for us about our infertility. After numerous tests, we began to solve many issues that didn’t seem directly related to infertility, but were certainly underlying factors. Eight months later and my blood work is what doctors have been referring to as ‘fantastic’. I feel better than I have in years. I don’t even need coffee in the morning. It’s pretty amazing.

Meanwhile, in New England, we had been to see Dr. Lannon at Boston IVF for an IUI consultation. After looking at our medical charts, he told us an IUI may not work with our particular fertility issues, because I may still (even after my procedure to reopen my collapsed Fallopian tubes in which I woke up from anesthesia during said procedure) have tubal damage. However, he said that in looking at my charts, we were a very unique case because I had been ‘diagnosed’ with PCOS, but had almost none of the symptoms. Dr. Lannon said he didn’t feel like I had been properly diagnosed (the same thing my endocrinologist and Dr. Paul thought), and that there was a clinical study that almost no one qualified for (but I did), in which we would undergo IVF for *only* $6,000 all-inclusive.

We were shocked. $6,000 is actually an unbelievable savings to undergo in-vitro fertilization.
IVF is something we had never considered for ourselves, and in fact, had always been opposed to doing.
Dr. Lannon felt that given our age, and our medical history, this could be our ‘only shot’ at having children biologically.

This was quite the amount of information to process…So we told him we would consider it, and get back to him…

Again, IVF is something that had been totally off the table. We both felt as if it would be unnecessary in our case, but after our summer of surprises, we decided we needed to seek the Lord about the options that lay in front of us.

Now, when Craig and I both ‘go off’ to seek God’s Will about something, we always acknowledge we will be praying, and don’t reconvene until the Lord has spoken. In this instance, God showed me some things, pretty emphatically, very quickly, but I knew Craig hadn’t received a Word yet – so I waited, as I have in the past, and lo’ and behold, several days later, he called from a trip to tell me what the Lord had revealed to him. Interestingly, God showed us the same things in different ways. Because God is AWESOME like that!

He showed me the book of Genesis, and pointed out that His first command to His creation was to “Be fruitful and multiply.”

“So God created human beings in his own image.

In the image of God he created them;

male and female he created them.

Then God blessed them and said, ‘Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky, and all the animals that scurry along the ground.’ ” Genesis 1:27-28 NLT

To Craig, He revealed He is the author of life, and that this step would not be ‘taking matters into our own hands’ – that only God gives life, no matter science’s role in the ‘process’. We both felt, after years of feeling otherwise, compelled to take this step.

And so we did.

We began repeating every. single. fertility test known to man at the flagship Boston IVF clinic in Waltham, Massachusetts, driving there several times each week. Giving blood samples like candy to kids on Halloween and being poked and prodded and tested. Everything was set in motion. This was really happening.

And then it wasn’t.

We received a seemingly standard call from Boston IVF, and were told that the group heading the clinical study had decided against my participation due to the fact I take the prescription Metformin – a fact they had known all along.

And once again, it felt like the world was crashing down around us. But still we felt IVF was on our table. Still, we felt the Lord right there, next to us, in the midst of all this pain. After four years of being still and silent, all of a sudden, this summer had become tumultuous and sad.

Dr. Lannon called us and apologized that this had happened to us. He felt that everything was handled incorrectly, but told us he still wanted us as patients and that the clinic would take our particular case into consideration, and possibly be able to discount our own in vitro fertilization journey. Honestly, he was more considerate, kind and caring than any other physician we had seen – and we had only met with him in person once.

Fast forward to today. After much prayer, we are in the midst of an IVF cycle. I won’t say it has been a fun journey – because injecting yourself with three shots per night would only be fun if I were a masochist, but we are here. And we are at peace.

I’ve seen and felt the judgement when we have told others we decided to pursue IVF, and I want you all to know this isn’t a decision we came to lightly. This isn’t a ‘last-ditch effort’ to have children, and we didn’t decide to take this path because we feel God is any less powerful than we know He is.

I mentioned above that in our failed adoption, I don’t feel like God’s Will was done. And I don’t. I think many times something happens, or doesn’t, and people say, “Well, I guess that was God’s Will.”

I respond, emphatically, “No!”

We live in a fallen world. God’s plan is not always heeded. If it were, this would be Heaven. All of creation would be following the Will and the Word of the Father. And that is not the case.

In the case of the adoption, the ‘birth grandparents’ intervened, I feel, against the Will of God. In the case of the clinical study, the megaset medical study team went on their own protocol and procedure, without giving a thought to God’s plan for the study.

Could I be wrong? Sure.

But I don’t feel so in my heart. The Lord let Craig and I be ‘us’, and led us to the place He called us, and now He has called us to fill our Ark. In the midst of these appointments and injections and medicines and procedures, we feel peace. And it’s the same peace I have felt when I relented to God and gave Him His way.

Watching a Joyce Meyer broadcast last week, she said something that really resonated with my soul:

Sometimes a miracle involves medical science. It isn’t that God couldn’t do it Himself, but Who gave the doctors and scientists the ideas in the first place? Without God, human beings wouldn’t have the intelligence they do to perform the medical miracles that are being accomplished.

God can use anyone, anything and any situation to bring about His Will. All that is necessary are His willing followers. Can He heal people miraculously? Absolutely. Does He always? No. Sometimes He uses doctors to heal His children. Sometimes He doesn’t bring us healing on Earth at all.

And so, my friends, here we are. If you wish to follow our IVF journey up to this point, check out our YouTube channel. We began vlogging about our experience because it is such an invasive and intimidating process and in our research and anticipation, we learned so much about it from other Christian IVF vloggers that we wanted to share the wealth (of knowledge).

And one other thing – I will be blogging again, as well. That’s no empty promise. God has been on my heart to write again, to tell the world what He places on my soul, and I plan to do just that.

So pray for us. And share this page. Tell your friends. You never know who God places in your path that might need a certain Word. Really. You never know…

Ta-ta for now, folks.

Food For Thought Friday · God's Will

Journey To Our Miracle Child: Thank You So Much For Your Prayer & Support

August 26, 2016August 26, 2016 The Not-So Newlywed Lefebvres1 Comment

Hello Faithful Friends,

Thank you so much for your outpouring of amazing love, support and prayer over this past week. We love you all! Please click on the video below for an update of the latest in our journey for a child.

Please bear with us in this time of grief and pain. Please pray for our faith to be strengthened in this storm!

Food For Thought Friday

It’s More ‘Good’ Than We Acknowledge

March 25, 2016 The Not-So Newlywed LefebvresLeave a comment

I often wondered why such a seemingly unimaginably awful Friday as this is called “Good Friday.” Translation certainly has something to do with this naming, as the word ‘good’ in Old English is better translated to our modern day ‘holy’. And it is certainly a HOLY Friday. Today is the day we commemorate God sacrificing His one and only Son, Jesus, on the cross. Killing Him in a horribly painful way to save us all.

All of us.

So if you are thinking you are too ‘bad’, too old, too tainted, too far gone, not good enough…that this sacrifice was not for you because you don’t need the Blood of Jesus Christ to save you… Well, however, crazily un-PC this may be…

YOU’RE WRONG.

There is one single way to Heaven: Jesus told him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me. John 14:16

You cannot be good enough. You cannot give enough or go to church enough or meditate enough. The only thing that is enough is Jesus.

On today, Good Friday, God is asking you to do one thing: Acknowledge He gave His only Son a death sentence to save you. Believe that Jesus is the Son of the Living God and that He loves you – beyond ANY type of love you have ever experienced, beyond any type of love you could imagine. Nothing on this earth gets remotely close.

Once you acknowledge this fact, you simply have to believe, thank God for the ULTIMATE SACRIFICE and allow Him to be your Savior, by asking Him to forgive you and turning away from your past.

“For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world, but that the world might be saved through Him. He who believes in Him is not judged; he who does not believe has been judged already, because he has not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God.” John 3:16-18

This is a reason today is a ‘good day’… without the death of Christ on the cross, there could be no resurrection, no Easter Sunday. He died for YOU and for ME, and in doing so overcame death completely. His resurrection on the third day means that the day I die, I can say with confidence that I will be with Jesus in Heaven.

^“One of the criminals hanging there hurled insults at him: “Aren’t you the Messiah? Save yourself and us!” The other one, however, rebuked him, saying, “Don’t you fear God? You received the same sentence he did. Ours, however, is only right, because we are getting what we deserve for what we did; but he has done no wrong.” And he said to Jesus, “Remember me, Jesus, when you come as King!” Jesus said to him, “I promise you that today you will be in Paradise with me.” Luke 23:39-43

With death being the great uncertainty in life, knowing my destination is an amazing comfort that allows me to live for Jesus, able to follow Him no matter what the consequences are – not that any of us are ever 100% successful in this. We all sin, no matter how much we try not to. As much as I strive to listen to God, satan tempts me too.

I do not understand what I do; for I don’t do what I would like to do, but instead I do what I hate. Since what I do is what I don’t want to do, this shows that I agree that the Law is right. So I am not really the one who does this thing; rather it is the sin that lives in me. I know that good does not live in me—that is, in my human nature. For even though the desire to do good is in me, I am not able to do it. I don’t do the good I want to do; instead, I do the evil that I do not want to do.If I do what I don’t want to do, this means that I am no longer the one who does it; instead, it is the sin that lives in me.” Romans 7:15-20

Craig and I are about to embark on a new adventure for Christ – the details will be ‘spilled’ soon – and so many people have asked, “How can you just follow like that – no questions asked?”

And I have 2 answers:

Plenty of questions were asked – whether they should have been or not. We are not experts, by any stretch of the imagination, in trusting God, but we are trying. He asked us; we pleaded with Him; we questioned Him; we questioned each other; we relented; we followed.
Faith in the outcome. God the Father sent His Son to die for our salvation. Jesus, flesh on earth, asked for there to be ‘another way’…He was frightened. He was both totally human and totally God. But He followed His Father’s Will – and while it was painful for Him…more painful that I could ever fathom, His Father knew the outcome…and aren’t we all glad He obeyed?

Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.” Psalm 100:3

You may have seen on Facebook or Instagram that someone recently made some pretty rude comments toward Craig and me regarding our infertility. I am trying to believe that they misinterpreted our faith for complacency. Just as I ask the Lord to ‘help my unbelief’ for my Christian faith, I ask Him the same mercy for our lack of children.

‘Though [the Lord] brings grief, He will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.’ Lamentations 3:32

‘There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven.’ Ecclesiastes 3:1

“Through the Lord’s mercies, we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I hope in Him!’” Lamentations 3:21-24

He loved us so much He sent His only Son to die for us even though we did nothing to deserve this. If He loves me this much, He will provide for our every single need. How could I possibly doubt that? How can I worry about food, bills, a mortgage, children…when He provided even His only Son for me.

Can you fathom that?

Think of the person on this Earth you love most – your child, your spouse, your parent. Now imagine the entire world is sick. A disease is killing every person on earth and it is spreading like wildfire. The only cure is the blood of your loved one. That’s it. To save the world, you have to hand over your husband, your son, your daughter, your mother, your father, to be killed. And not in some pretty way. And not to a group of people who are grateful. No, you are handing over the one you love most to pain and torture so unbearable you don’t dare imagine it. And to a group of people who hate and despise the one you love most.

Could you do that? Could you sentence the love of your life to death to save people who don’t deserve it, even remotely???

I couldn’t. I don’t possess that much love.

So how in the world can I turn away from the only One who could, and did – Just for you and me?

TTC Tuesday

Where The Grass Is Greener

March 1, 2016March 1, 2016 The Not-So Newlywed Lefebvres2 Comments

Often, as I walk through Target, Wal-Mart or the grocery store, sit in the pew at church, scroll through our Facebook and Instagram feeds, I find myself discontented and jealous. I watch the news and become utterly enraged. All because I want what those people have – a child.

Their grass looks so much greener.

But as a friend of mine spoke wearily of her misadventures as a single mother – hoping and praying for a husband like mine… I realized this coin has two sides.

While I sit and pine away for motherhood, I have already been blessed with that which another is praying for…and oh so much more! In fact, being contented with my own blessings isn’t enough.

My circumstances aren’t where my joy is found.

Recall Acts 16:22-24:

The crowd joined in attacking them, and the magistrates tore the garments off them and gave orders to beat them with rods. And when they had inflicted many blows upon them, they threw them into prison, ordering the jailer to keep them safely. Having received this order, he put them into the inner prison and fastened their feet in the stocks.

Paul and Silas – Attacked, beaten and thrown into prison. Yet the very next verse says:

About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God…. Acts 16:25

Quite obviously, Paul and Silas didn’t find their joy in what they had or where they were. In the midst of what I personally would label tragedy, they praised God and sang worship songs to Him! They were filled with the Holy Spirit and were joyful – no matter what was raging on around them.

Psalm 16:11 says, “You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.”

The most unbelievably, abundantly joyful you can be on this Earth is in the presence of God – not with a certain fellow human, not while possessing the most beautiful diamond, not in the beauty of having the most amazing spouse or the most perfect and well-behaved kids and the biggest home on the block. No, as John tells us in his Gospel, Jesus said, “If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and abide in his love. These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.”

Callie Opper writes, “We’re called to stand on our grass, no matter how torn up, shriveled, dirty or dead it may be…God calls us to contentment, knowing that His story for us is the best story. He wants us to thrive where He has placed us, without fear of the future, without damaging comparison, rid of any lingering bitterness towards the path He has set for us. He wants us, free of “what if’s” and “if only”. Instead He wants us to focus on the “right now.”

So, right now have joy in the Lord. Follow His leading and allow Him to be your true joy, happiness and strength. Trust in Him enough to know – beyond a shadow of a doubt – that if He is calling you to a certain circumstance, it isn’t for naught. It is for a purpose – His purpose.

The grass may appear to be greener on the other side of the fence…but it isn’t your yard.

My Choice Monday

A No-Cheat Coffee Treat!

February 22, 2016February 22, 2016 The Not-So Newlywed LefebvresLeave a comment

Almost daily I have the same phenomenon occurring – People ask me quite frequently how I manage to stay on the wacky diet I have…all the time. Well, there are several reasons:

I don’t have much of a choice, medically speaking. Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome & Insulin Resistance pretty much dictate eating zero sugar (and hence, no carbohydrates) if I want to be healthy, not continually gain weight, and have the possibility of having a child with my husband one day.
Learning to cook healthy, carb-free meals at home that your whole family can enjoy makes for an easier lifestyle – There is no ‘I have to eat this…So I’ll order you a pizza.’
Once or twice a week, I allow myself a ‘mini-cheat’…Don’t get too excited! 🙂 Occasionally, I add quinoa or farro into a dish I am preparing for Craig and I to provide a little bit of healthy fiber and whole grain. After being without rice, potatoes, and bread for so long, this actually feels like a treat!!
I create my own versions of things I love but can no longer have – like fancy coffeehouse drinks!

Recently, Craig and I were looking at a home with a realtor and she mentioned that the last time she had met with the homeowner, they had had coffee together and the realtor couldn’t believe how delicious the coffee she made was. Well, I happened to notice the kitchen island housed the coffee maker and the coffee she used and took that into account for my own experiment..

The homeowner used regular coffee and blended that with a flavored coffee mix like this one, and then added coffee creamer to complete what I am sure was a delicious deviation from a regular cup of coffee at home. So I thought about it and then decided to create my own sugar free version:

Using about a teaspoon and a half of the Eight O’Clock Instant Coffee, mixed with about two tablespoons of the Hills Bros. Sugar-Free Cappuccino Mix, I add in boiling water and a splash of heavy whipping cream…Oh my goodness! What a treat!!! I have also used the french vanilla cappuccino and love that version, as well.

This little drink has helped ‘fill-in-the-gap’ for me on those days when I just need a Starbuck’s latte – – – aka most days. 🙂 As a side note, if you want a little bit of decadence and are planning a Starbuck’s trip, you can certainly order a breve latte with any sugar-free syrup. Breve just means they make the latte with cream rather than milk – which is much more carb/sugar friendly!!

You can check out more of our healthy and delicious recipes here or by searching ‘recipe’ in the search box on the top right of our homepage.

Have a wonderful day! We’ll be back tomorrow for another chat 😉

TTC Tuesday

In The Waiting: How You Can Help!

February 2, 2016February 2, 2016 The Not-So Newlywed LefebvresLeave a comment

Good Morning Friends!

I don’t know how the weather is where you are, but here in Atlanta, we have almost 70* temperatures!! Raining or shining outside, it makes me smile when the weather warms up! There’s just something about not having to have either the heat or the air conditioning on!

Today, on Thank You Jesus Tuesday, I wanted to share an amazing organization with you – and an opportunity to help children. Craig and I have made it no secret that we have been ready (since September 15, 2012) to be parents for a while now, but in the waiting for Jonah…in the waiting for an adoptive child…there is so much we can do to help.

‘Dream Weavers of Georgia is a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization dedicated to enriching the lives of foster children.[Their] goal is to create opportunities and provide resources that promote educational, emotional and social well being of Georgia’s foster children.’

No matter where you reside or how many children you have, you can help Dream Weavers of Georgia’s children, too! Click here to see an array of opportunities to donate money towards new shoes, school supplies, a haircut or even dance lessons for a precious foster child.

In 2014, in the State of Georgia alone, there were almost 9,000 children in the foster care system. For the same year, the U.S. Department of Children & Family Services reported over 415,000 in foster care in the country! Programs like Dream Weavers provide a little light and love for these kids, and you can so easily be a part of making a difference in a precious child’s life!

If you live in Georgia, there are tons of volunteer opportunities and numerous events throughout the year to participate in! DWOG does an annual Tubing Trip, Pool Party, Fall Festival & Christmas Parade each year for the kids and I’m sure they can never have too many hand on-deck! 🙂

Check out Dream Weavers of Georgia or do a little research and find out how you can help foster children in your area. Let this be your Valentine. ❤

What's Up Wednesday

What’s Up, Wednesday: Anchored In Hope!

January 27, 2016 The Not-So Newlywed LefebvresLeave a comment

Hola Friends!

As we mentioned yesterday, things have been busy with our recent trip to Maine & Minnesota! Craig was in recurrent training literally until hours of when we flew out, so we definitely hustled to make it on time!

In Maine, we met with some folks who are quickly becoming extremely good friends of ours who pastor Cross Church Maine.

Those of us who reside in either the Southern or the Midwestern United States cannot grasp the need for evangelization in New England… A Gallup poll from 2012 shows the four (4) least religious states in the country are all located in New England – so the work that our friends, Dr. Aaron & Kathy Werner, are doing to spread the Gospel of Jesus Christ in Maine is absolutely paramount! Check out this article by Ruth Graham about the need for re-evangelizing the historic birthplace of Christianity in our country – It’s quite eye-opening!

Once we left Maine, we headed to see our Minnesota family and, as usual, thoroughly enjoyed ourselves!

We visited the Como Zoo & Conservatory, where the flowers were BEAUTIFUL and the monkeys were too fast for me to snap a photo of!

We also saw the show ‘Jerusalem’ at the IMAX Omni Theatre at the Science Museum in St. Paul. It was breathtaking!

What a wonderful little getaway that ended way too quickly!!

I did come home to a fabulous surprise, though! If you didn’t see/notice this on Facebook this morning, I am one of 45 women across the country who is so blessed to be a contributor to a devotional about infertility, and the book, “Anchored In Hope” by Ali Forrest is for sale on Amazon! We will be running a giveaway soon for the book, but if you or anyone you know deals with (or has dealt with) infertility, this would be the perfect gift – for both of you! Sometimes those of us with an ‘invisible’ disease feel incredibly alone in dealing and coping with it…It’s a beautiful thing to know that this entire book was compiled by women who contributed their stories out of experience!

Well, y’all, I need to wrap things up so I can bid my precious husband farewell! He’s heading to Texas this evening for the rest of the week. 😦 #boohiss

Until Tomorrow!! We send our love!