Dear Friends,
I confess โ itโs been way too long since we poured our hearts, convictions and faith out to you via this blog. I have felt guilty โโwake me up in the middle of the nightโ guiltyโฆbecause I know that the Lord wants to use me, my marriage, my hardships, my faith, as a vessel for leading others to Him. Butโฆitโs hard, yโall. Itโs really hard.
You all know we followed His call to Maine this past summer โ almost a year ago! But you may not know that we are back in Georgia. After nine months of sharing His love with the precious youth of Southern Maine, God planted the desire for โhomeโโฆand with that, the desire to adopt a childโฆand with that, the necessary funds to make all of this happen with a promotion to Captain for Craig and a great job for me.
So, here we are, back in Georgia โ โhomeโ, and totally neglecting this blog and this โministryโ โ after we have been so immensely blessed. And I feel so guilty.
And while you may think this is a shrug your shoulders, no big deal, get a grip lady! kinda thingโฆit really isnโt. You donโt know the e-mails we receive, telling us how something has touched one of our readers; the requests for prayer from some who follow this blog from prisonโฆYes, I feel guilty for letting these people down when I am so unimaginably blessed, and so many are broken.
But I confess something to youโฆI try to be strong. Full of faith. Hopeful. Prayerfully diligent. But I fall so hard.
There are at least two days every week when I sob and ugly cry alone because โit just isnโt fairโ that I canโt give my sweet husband a child.
It just โisnโt fairโ that instead of going out for lunch with my co-workers, I head downstairs to the buildingโs gym to work-out during my hour-long break. I donโt eat gluten, carbs, sugar, anything fun. I drink apple cider vinegar with baking soda, and take a regimen of coconut oil, but no matter what, my blood sugar refuses to cooperate, my hormones will not level out and I canโt shed a pound, let alone maintain my weight.
Iโve felt like Job.
Iโve felt like David in a mournful Psalm.
I try so hard to be strong, but Iโm not.
Thankfully, He is.
Lamentations 3:19-24 (Contemporary English Version) says this:
‘Just thinking of my troubles
and my lonely wandering
makes me miserable.
Thatโs all I ever think about,
and I am depressed.
Then I remember something
that fills me with hope.
The Lordโs kindness never fails!
If he had not been merciful,
we would have been destroyed.
The Lord can always be trusted
to show mercy each morning.
Deep in my heart I say,
โThe Lord is all I need;
I can depend on him!โ’
Peter tells us this truth about our Savior:
โGive all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.โ 1 Peter 5:7
Because friends, we are all human. We all cry and feel helpless and worry. But that isnโt the life the Lord wants for us. We are blessed in that our Lord tells us to hand everything over to Him, and just keep moving forward.
When I start to worry that Jonah will never arrive, that the adoption process will never move along, that I will never be able to have a body that functions like โit shouldโโฆ I remember that Heโs got this.
I remind myself that:
โYes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christย and become one with him.โ Philippians 3:8-9a (NLT)
And when I lay aside everything else, and focus in on Him and His AWESOMENESS, my troubles melt away and nothing else matters but basking in that love and sharing it with other people.
As my โJesus Todayโ devotional reminded me this morning:
โThe world applauds self-sufficiencyโฆHowever, this is not the way of My kingdom. I want My children to recognize and rejoice in their utter dependence on MeโฆWhen the strain of living in the fallen world is getting you down, resist the temptation to feel sorry for yourself. Instead say to yourself, โI am blessed and thankful โ and on my way to His Glory!โโ

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