Though You Slay Me

May 30, 2017May 30, 2017 The Not-So Newlywed Lefebvres6 Comments

Crying in front of people doesn’t come easy for me. I was told once, as a child, that I looked like a duck when I cried, and that was that – I have tried to hold back the tears ever since. But there are just certain times when ‘logic’ is thrown out the window. Times when the pain is too heavy to hold in. When the tears are too quick to wipe away before someone sees.

Unfortunately, I have had some practice crying over the past few weeks. Alas, I haven’t mastered *not* looking like a duck…

I guess it isn’t *popular* to discuss the awful parts of life, but I’ve never been one to follow the crowd. After almost five years of prayers and hope and tears, we found out on April 21st we were finally pregnant…And then, at 8 weeks, we miscarried. There was nothing that could have prevented it. No womb has been prayed over more – before or after pregnancy. We have had faith out the wazoo for years (and still do). The truth is: CRAPPY THINGS HAPPEN. That’s why this is the fallen world we live in, and why we anxiously await Heaven and its unimaginable perfection. {If you want the full, detailed story, visit our YouTube channel here.}

So far, we are still searching for meaning in all of this. Eerily, this feels all too similar to our failed adoption last summer, and we were only just beginning to ‘heal’ from that heartbreak. Thus, I can tell you that what I have learned is that biology has little to do with matters of the heart. Losing our own biological child, and the one we grew to love in our hearts from afar has dealt the same pain.

We need your prayers as we heal and begin to move forward. We know we are called to be parents, and have faith that God’s plan for our family is infinitely greater and more incredible than we could ever imagine.

As we have grieved these past weeks, we’ve heard and read so many things contrary to our beliefs:

From A Christian Publication: Miscarriage is punishment for something you have done.
From A Christian Book About Marriage: When facing miscarriage and infertility, you have to realize when is the time to give up on your dream of having children.
From A *Trusted* Christian Leader: This pregnancy would have continued smoothly if only you had had enough faith.

Seriously. As we have searched for answers in the midst of this tragedy, these are all things we have read or heard…All of them claim to be ‘Christian’ points-of-view, but not a single one of them is Scripturally-sound. There is not one woman in the Bible who remains barren for life. There is also no guarantee of a stress-free life of ease in the Christian journey. Why would there be? Aren’t we meant to long for Christ’s return and our Eternal Home in Heaven?

As I dwell on upsetting, make-me-cry-like-a-duck life events, I recall Paul, Sarah & Abraham, Hannah, Jesus, Job. No *happiness-only* lives there. In James 1:1-13, we learn that trials in life mold us into mature Christians, as we learn to submit wholly to Jesus, and trust in Him completely. This doesn’t make sense to us, of course – myself included, but as the prophet Isaiah tells us:

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts. Neither are your ways my ways, saith Jehovah. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” (Isa. 55:8-9)

God’s ways are certainly not our ways, and far far above and beyond anything we could fathom or comprehend, but speaking to the loss of a child-in-utero being a punishment, have you ever heard of Job? Most faithful man on the entire planet in his day? He lost his whole family and all of his belongings, and the Bible is clear when it relates that it wasn’t the result of sin.

But the real ‘lesson’, I suppose, is not in the causation so much as in the response:

“Though he slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.” (Job 13:15)

And so that is how we are trying to respond to this trial. It’s all we can do. Trust and wait on Him. Though we are heartbroken, yet will we stand in our faith.

What's Up Wednesday

Uncle Craig & Aunt Pier

October 15, 2014October 15, 2014 The Not-So Newlywed Lefebvres4 Comments

Lucky you! You’re in for a NEARLY wordless Wednesday – but stay tuned for tomorrow’s blog…it’s FULL of WORDS. 😉

This weekend we traveled to Minnesota for the first time from Maine, all to see our beautiful niece, Eden.

Isn’t she adorable? 🙂 Can you say a quick prayer for God to bless us with sweet Baby Jonah soon?? This experience only increases the baby fever! 😉

We also spent some time with Marty & Danielle – Marty is Craig’s first cousin, and Danielle is his beautiful wife. 😉 We always have a BLAST when we get to spend time with them!

And, of course, NO family trip can do without some group photos! These turned out really well!!

Until tomorrow!!

TTC Tuesday

Children Of The King

June 24, 2014 The Not-So Newlywed LefebvresLeave a comment

As you all know, or probably know, Craig and I have been ~~patiently~~ waiting on God for a child for exactly:

After what seemed to have been forever, we heard from the Holy Spirit concerning our future child, and we are so very thankful, expectant and thrilled for little Jonah Elizabeth to arrive!! I can’t tell you how many people during the past month have told us she’s going to be here sooner than we felt! It’s been unbelievably amazing to realize that the Lord hasn’t spoken only to Craig and I, but to those around us, as well!! How awesome is our God!?!?!

Thinking about our future little angel made me examine more closely who she will be and who I am in Christ.

Gill’s Exposition Of The Entire Bible (a comprehensive Bible commentary) says this: “…akin to God, he being their Father, and they his children by adopting grace, and which was made manifest by their new birth; and also akin to Christ, he being their head, husband, Father, and brother, and they his members, spouse, children, and brethren…”

“His children by adopting grace” – how BEAUTIFUL is that?!? The One who breathed the world – and the stars! – into existence adopted us as His Children, even though we aren’t good enough, or thankful enough, or faithful enough. He chose us.

Baby Jonah isn’t even here yet, and Craig mentioned the other day that he just loves her so much – he can’t even imagine the love he will feel for her once she makes her grand arrival! That love? The love a parent has for his child…The amount of that love is outrageous. Most parents will tell you they had no clue until they held their child in their arms how much they were capable of loving.

But take that amount and multiply it by infinity.

That’s just beginning to skim the surface of how much God loves His children.

Ephesians 2:4-7

4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— 6 and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, 7 so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.

Our Father in Heaven love US so very much that He allowed His Son to die in our place. Really. Think about that for a second. As a parent. As a future parent. As someone who knows love. He allowed His very own Son to die a criminal’s death, not just a peaceful death in his sleep…but a tortuous, death-row slaughtering. Can you even imagine? That’s how much He loves us. He allowed that for His own Son. To save US.

That’s the LOVE of our Heavenly Father.

Embrace that amazing love, and consider what a special gift He gives when He blesses us with children.

TTC Tuesday · What's Up Wednesday

Worry

June 11, 2014 The Not-So Newlywed Lefebvres5 Comments

It feels like I haven’t posted in forever – even though you guys got an update on Monday. I wrote that post last week because I KNEW this week was going to be just craziness!

The past two days WORRY has been on my mind – and not so much in the way of things I am worrying about, but more so about what I am not worried about. Last Tuesday, we posted about Future Baby Jonah and got something very rare for this blog. A true first, actually. A nastygram, in the form of a blog comment. It was supposed to be anonymous. The person used a fake, and very rude, e-mail address, and said something very hurtful, but thanks to technology, know that whatever you post or write on the internet, your identity can be found out. That said, we know who this comment came from.

Rather than WORRYING about what that person said, and if it might be true, I was first angry with her and then later – after much prayer and cooling off time 🙂 – sad for her. Her comment made me remember what my life was like without Christ at the center. It makes me look back on how unbearably bleak an existence without hope is.

I love the way The Message translation of the Bible reads. Try this one on for size:

James 1:2-4

The Message (MSG)

Faith Under Pressure

2-4 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

My faith in Christ means that I don’t have to worry. His Promises are real. His Word is true. His Spirit is our comfort.

The Holy Spirit has revealed and continues to reveal to me and to those around Craig and I truths and promises about our Baby Jonah. He asks that we continue to follow Him – no matter what, and the more closely we follow, the more He shows us we are on the right path. It is an uphill journey. It has not been easy.

He doesn’t promise easy. As a matter of fact, He warns the road is a hard one.

Matthew 10:16

The Message (MSG)

16 “Stay alert. This is hazardous work I’m assigning you. You’re going to be like sheep running through a wolf pack, so don’t call attention to yourselves. Be as cunning as a snake, inoffensive as a dove.

So don’t worry. Be diligent in your prayer life and follow Him – no matter what.

1 Peter 5:7

The Message (MSG)

6-7 So be content with who you are, and don’t put on airs. God’s strong hand is on you; he’ll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; he is most careful with you.

If God is for you, after all, who can POSSIBLY be against you – and stand a chance?

TTC Tuesday

Joy

June 3, 2014 The Not-So Newlywed Lefebvres6 Comments

You may or may not have seen this verse posted on our Facebook page this morning. The Holy Spirit has been guiding us to read a selection of devotions from the devotional by John MacArthur called “Drawing Near”, and the devotion for yesterday – which didn’t get read until today… 🙂 led me to the verse above.

It’s amazing how the Lord will direct you if you allow Him.

We have been through ups and downs and trials and tribulations over our lack of a child. This time last year, I didn’t go more than a day or two without crying and sobbing and feeling depressed about not being able to give my sweet husband a baby…This year we are rejoicing in the joy of the Lord.

Baby Jonah already has a blanket and several sweet little outfits at home. As soon as we have finally moved into our new home, we will begin working on her nursery. The Lord has brought us a promise and such happiness in the faith and knowledge of His plans for our little family.

James 1:5

If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

The song below (which you will need to watch within a browser) describes the joy of the Lord and the grace He provides so well: “Exceeding Joy” – Hillsong

Food For Thought Friday

It’s Gonna Be A Sunshine-y Day!

May 21, 2014May 21, 2014 The Not-So Newlywed Lefebvres3 Comments

We are ECSTATIC today! We were nominated by Lindsay, who authors one of my favorite blogs to read, The Newlywed Notebook, for a Sunshine Award!

Rules of the Award:

– Post 11 random facts about yourself

– Answer 11 questions for the blogger who nominated you

– Nominate 11 bloggers to receive the award

– Write your own 11 questions for them to answer

– Notify them that you have nominated them

11 Random Facts

Our favorite tv show to watch together is 7th Heaven. We started at the beginning and are currently in the 6th season.
We are the proud parents of three fur babies – 2 pups and 1 kitty (Lucy, Caroline & Daisy) – and are excited to bring home our 4th pet (another “big dog”) when we sell our current home, and move! No, we are not crazy! 🙂
We rarely call each other by our “real” names…Yes, we are still super lovey-dovey and all about sweet little pet names. ❤
I love icing. Craig loves cake. Perfect match.
Craig likes his socks to be folded…like a shirt or a pair of shorts, rather than rolled up like normal people. 🙂
We have begun to realize that our not having a child this first year and a half + of marriage has been a blessing in disguise. We have really grown as a couple and fallen even deeper in love, and once we have the blessing we can’t wait for of little Jonah, we will never again have this luxury of “just us”.
I have suffered with eating disorders. Eating & self-image are daily battles for me. I have seen countless therapists and read every book on the subject, and the ONLY two sources of REAL help to my (beginning) to overcome my issues are God and Craig. I am one blessed girl to be where I am today. Thank you, Jesus!
Some of my favorite things to do are be on stage singing or speaking publicly. My husband, on the other hand, doesn’t even like speaking over the intercom while flying the plane. Pretty sure that would be my favorite thing about being a pilot… 🙂
Craig & my dad are the only two people on earth I know who could have a bar of Ghirardelli chocolate or a bag (regular sized!) of M&M’s and take more than a week to finish it. Give me an hour or less…
Unless it is a Skinny Vanilla Latte from Starbucks, I drink my coffee black, and Craig is the coffee maker in our house – even though he doesn’t drink it.
Craig and I ~~sometimes~~ pretty much always coordinate our outfits with each other. It always makes for a pretty photo-op! 😉

The Questions…

1 | What has been your favorite vacation so far?

Definitely our trip last year to Rome, Italy! You can see more here about our AMAZING trip! A close second would be our honeymoon to Grenada – Oh my goodness. If you get the opportunity, GO. THERE. Here’s a link to that post.

2 | How many siblings do you have?

Pier: Just one. But he is a wonderful one. 🙂 I have a brother, Paul (or P.S.J.R as I call him), who is 28 and an Atlanta Bachelor (Ladies?!?!)

Craig has two beautiful sisters: Mandy (pictured below on the left) & Jenna (pictured below at the bottom of the pyramid), who live in the Twin Cities of MN.

3 | Heels or flats?

Depends on the occasion…I love heels…but the older I get, there’s just something about the comfort of flats…Sounds like a trick question to me! 😉

4 | If you could own one exotic animal (not a typical pet) what would it be?

A monkey, of course! (It’s one of Craig’s many nicknames…)

5 | What is your favorite blog post you have written?

Hmmm…That answer is an ever-changing one, but I suppose when it comes right down to it, it’s a toss-up between these two: Head In The Clouds or We Give Up!

6 | What’s your favorite type of music to listen to when you’re rocking out in the car?

This used to be a very different answer… Now it would be my Spotify “Starred” playlist which includes Matt Redman, Hillsong, Charles Jenkins’ “Awesome God”, Elevation Worship, Mercy’s Well, Colton Dixon, Chris Tomlin, Lecrae, Bethel Music….and a little bit of old school Randy Travis.

7 | What’s one guilty pleasure?

Sugar-free Klondike Bars & ACTUAL movie theater popcorn with extra butter!!!! This is part of our “old married couple routine” – Sitting on the couch with a Klondike Bar together (The sugar free one I eat is aptly named, “Slim-A-Bear”) or going to the movies and sharing the biggest tub of popcorn ever…but it’s ‘okay’ because it counts as dinner!

8 | Why did you start your blog?

Interestingly, we originally started the blog because we got off of Facebook and needed a way to share “our world” with friends and family. Over time, God led us to share our infertility and our ever-closer walk with Him with others and our blog ‘today’ was born. Through this blog and the people we have gotten to know through it, God has showed us so many things and spoken to us in so many ways!

9 | If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Do calories count? If not, then PIZZA AND PASTA EVERY NIGHT and ALL DAY LONG!!!!!!!!! Can you tell I’m part Italian?!? 🙂

10 | Are you an introvert or extrovert at heart?

At heart, I am probably a walking contradiction combination. I love the spotlight, but at the same time, I could easily be a hermit and only watch people from the periphery… I have a sneaking suspicion all people are actually a contradictory combination of the two…

11 | What’s one irrational fear you have? (hey, we all have them 🙂 )

Bugs, spiders, anything creepy crawly… Right after I graduated from college, I was living in an apartment – alone – and saw a roach on the wall – all the way across the room. It wasn’t moving. It was just hanging out there on the wall behind the television. But I was completely frozen. When I finally got the courage up to move, I sprinted across the tiny apartment to the laundry room and stubbed my toe HARD against the washing machine. I jumped up on top of it and my toe was bent to the side… Yep. I broke my toe trying to escape from a stationary roach 15 feet away from me.

We Nominate You!

this girl decor

run roll repeat

the veil of chastity

waiting for baby bird

biblical homemaking

coffee beans and bobby pins

flawless faith

cherishing everyday beauty

grown by grace

a calm persistence

road to baby abraham

For YOU To Answer…

Knowing what you know now, would you go back and RE-DO your past or would you keep it the way it is?
What is the one thing you wish you would have done but didn’t?
If you could be ANYONE for a day, who would it be?
What fragrance/scent reminds you most of your childhood?
What is your BIGGEST pet peeve?
Where do you HOPE to be in life in 10 years?
If you had to choose one, would you own a vacation home in the mountains or at the beach? Which mountain or beach?
What is your favorite comfort food?
What Bible verse has gotten you through the toughest of times?
What is the BEST song for your workout or run to keep you motivated?
If there was only one piece of advice you could give to your child (future or current), what would it be?

Ooooh I cannot WAIT to read these answers!! Especially after this afternoon’s embarrassment…. Y’all. I was on a GLOBAL CONFERENCE CALL. I was listening LIVE in the conference room where our company president was speaking. I had turned BOTH of my phones to silent, and chose today to wear a new dress and REEEEALLLY high heels… So all of a sudden, DURING THE LIVE CALL, my phone decides to play – at full volume – “Don’t Turn Around” by Ace of Base. And I RUN out of the room (as fast as I can in sky-high heels), and try to turn it off, but it freezes. I finally get it to stop. I double check that the volume is off (It is.) I make sure that, even though it turned itself on, iHeartRadio isn’t on. (It isn’t.) I go back into the conference room.

And 2 minutes later, it happens AGAIN.

Needless to say, this time, I left my phone in the neighboring conference room, just in case it decided to take hold of a mind of it’s own….HOW EMBARRASSING!!!!!!!!

The moral of the story is: Turn your phone OFF. Don’t trust SILENT. 🙂

Oh, and don’t worry, this Friday will be What’s Up Wednesday – You’ll get to hear all about our big weekend trip!

Until tomorrow,

TTC Tuesday

Keep Your Heart & Your Bible Open

May 20, 2014 The Not-So Newlywed Lefebvres4 Comments

Even in the midst of a not-so-great morning, God revived our spirits today – as only He can…

Yesterday, at 6:30 AM, we pulled out of the Lefebvre Century Farm driveway and began the journey back home.

By midnight, we were in Tennessee and our sweet Lucy pup was beginning to regret her decision not to eat any of her dinner or drink any of her water or potty when we stopped at the Kentucky border. Craig had just switched back into the driver’s seat at our last stop, and knowing I had to be at work at 7 AM, I was twisting and turning in my seat, trying to fall asleep for the rest of the drive…But Lucy’s panting and whining in my ear was not like the lullaby I was wishing for.

Needless to say, God guided us safely home, and just after 2 AM we pulled into our driveway – utterly exhausted. All five of us – Lucy, Caroline & Miss Daisy included – collapsed into deep slumbers in record time, and before long at all my 5 AM alarm went off. Boo – Hiss.

I spent this morning at the office grumbling about my sleep deprivation and rubbing my tired eyes. I was lamenting the fact I had to spend the next eight hours here, and then would return home to a husband-less house, since Craig flies out this afternoon. Woe is me. (Yes, friends, even after two 18-hour car rides together in one weekend, we still have spent the morning texting and talking on the phone all lovey-dovey, as usual. And are still saddened at having to part for the week the minute we return home!)

We spent a good chunk of the car ride yesterday discussing just how good God is, and where we feel like He is leading us right now. We sang praise and worship songs together; We listened to several podcasts of awesome sermons and devotions; We did not talk about The Voice; We didn’t mention one single movie star; There was no US Weekly to be found along the car ride. And we are very aware that none of that is “normal”. We are also very aware that there are plenty of people who make snide remarks behind our backs about our relationship and our devotion to God and His Will in our lives, and that’s okay. We aren’t living our lives to make anyone else happy, and we certainly don’t feel left out not knowing what’s going on in the world of E! Entertainment. But we aren’t judging you for your lifestyle or how you choose to spend your time.

We choose to live with our hearts on our sleeves, and sometimes they get broken more easily that way – but they are also left more vulnerable to God’s interception and for that we are thankful! A text message I received this morning – one that made my heart skip a beat – is one anyone else could have smiled at and laughed, “Ha! I’m infertile! We wish!!”

But our faith and our openness to His work all around us made that text message into a certain gift. And it was just that – a little gift from God.

A dear dear friend of mine messaged me this morning:

Of course Craig and I were just overjoyed! We don’t believe in coincidences, and my friend didn’t know about our “Jonah Revelation“! This dream and the fact she chose to SHARE it with us has GOD stamped all over it. We could have taken our grumbles to heart and dismissed this as “nothing” – but no! It isn’t nothing and God doesn’t wait for you to put your best foot forward before He delivers you a message.

Perhaps this little message is nothing more than reassurance.

But one thing is for certain: Our God is after a love relationship with us. He communicates in a very present and REAL way.

You only have to invite and foster that relationship.

Then WATCH IT GROW and follow Him in amazement. You will never again be like this world.

You may lose the majority of your “friends”.

Your family may never understand you.

But you will be happier than you ever thought could be possible.

Keep your heart and your Bible open.

TTC Tuesday

Tears of Joy

May 13, 2014 The Not-So Newlywed Lefebvres8 Comments

I spent a majority of Mother’s Day evening in tears.

Do I doubt God? Do I doubt Jonah Elizabeth’s introduction into our little family?

Not one little bit.

But the enemy is trying – hard.

I am a redeemed child of the Most High God. He died a criminal’s death to forgive me for every single sin that I have committed. He protects me and He loves me – unconditionally.

Does that sound like someone who would constantly remind you of all your failures and regrets and hurts?

Does that sound like someone who would repeatedly say you aren’t good enough?

I used to think God was punishing me by not giving us a child – but that isn’t how He operates. That voice of doubt and fear and sadness and regret – That isn’t God!

When those thoughts pop into your mind, push them away and have FAITH in the God who loves you as the child of His you are. He doesn’t break His promises, and He doesn’t throw things back in your face.

Little Jonah will be here just as He promised. And the only tears I have to cry are those of joy from being loved by the King and Creator of the Universe.

Keep the faith – and remember the character of our Creator!

Thirsty For Christ Thursday

A Whale Of A Tale

May 6, 2014May 6, 2014 The Not-So Newlywed Lefebvres2 Comments

Happy Thank You Jesus Tuesday!

By now, I hope you have all watched our vlog from last week… If not, watch it here and the rest of the post will make more sense to you. 🙂

Craig and I have completely surrendered our fertility to God, and everything that goes with it – and if you’ve watched the vlog, you know that included our long held onto “baby girl name” of Olivia Florence. We are excited to one day welcome into our home and family a little girl named Jonah Elizabeth! What a blessing total surrender to our Lord is!

So, we all know the story of Jonah in the Bible, right?

God asked him to do something, and Jonah was scared. He ran away and was thrown off a ship, but instead of drowning, he was saved by God and swallowed by a whale. He lived in the belly of the fish for three days (the Sign of Jonah), and was delivered by the Lord – this time deciding to obey His commands!

So, Jonah is associated with a whale…And Jonah is typically a boy’s name… and all things whale and little boy are typically blue…

But after we received our revelation from God, and shared it, in faith, with all of you, Craig and I were walking through Target this past weekend and saw these things:

ALL THINGS PINK AND WHALEY!!!!!!!

Craig looked at me and said, “This is definitely an affirmation from God! We have to buy Jonah’s first blanket in faith!” and so we did:

How awesome!!! We serve such a wonderful God, and if we only ask He will respond. Never think your prayer or request is too small. Have faith in Him.

The point of the story of Jonah is that God rescues His people – and He doesn’t require earthly measures to accomplish His rescue! It doesn’t matter that doctors say I can’t ovulate on my own. It doesn’t matter that doctors don’t believe I can become pregnant without their assistance. God doesn’t rely on science and human knowledge. He created science and He operates in the supernatural.

Psalm 46:10

GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)

10 Let go of your concerns!

    Then you will know that I am God.

        I rule the nations.

        I rule the earth.
PS – Don’t forget about Love On Purpose Week! Today is Intentional Kindness Day! Do something for someone else! #loveonpurpose

TTC Tuesday

Head In The Clouds

April 30, 2014 The Not-So Newlywed Lefebvres19 Comments

Beginning today, we invite you to join us on a journey – A journey toward Heavenly thoughts and things.

Colossians 3:2

Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.

If we are constantly focused on our blessings yet to come, are we fulfilling our full potential here on Earth? Rather, if we are constantly thanking the Lord for all He has blessed us with, we are happier, and we are trusting in Him and in His timing.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

We need only to continually pray and thank God for His blessings – praying for His Will to be done – and wait in His Presence.

I’m telling y’all. God is totally transforming our lives – from the inside / out – and it’s all because we are focused on living in His Presence.

{View This In A Browser To Watch My Vlog Video Below}