TTC Tuesday

Dani’s Journey: My Victory Over Infertility

TuesdayGood Morning Folks,

We have a special special treat for you today! One of my dearest did us the honor of authoring a guest post for this edition of ‘Thank You, Jesus! Tuesday’ and boy, does she have a powerful journey to share!

So…a Looooonng while back I was asked to share my experience with infertility and how waiting on the Lord was a challenge. I’ve been married 3 years this November and when we were married I wanted a baby like “yesterday”!

The Newest Newlywed Lefebvres!

However, there was a button on pause for us. I had been on the Depo-Provera shot for 3 injections prior to marriage to help with my hormonal imbalances, but this caused my pituitary gland to essentially “turn off”. With this crucially important gland not functioning, my body was not able to create the proper hormones which make uterine lining, ovulation and proper mucus.

The doctor’s rule was I couldn’t be considered infertile until I tried naturally to conceive for one full year. I can’t put into words how hard it was to know that for one year “all I could do” was pray. Sounds silly that I was disappointed by this, right? I didn’t feel that way at the time.

I was impatient and frustrated and sad as the months passed with no period and therefore, no possible pregnancy. After a year of marriage, I was ready to get into that doctor’s office and “DO” something! At first, I was put on hormone medications to hopefully, kick-start my brain into producing the hormones naturally. Oh how I prayed to God that He would make this work! I wanted Him to give me instant results, as my heart was aching for a precious baby.

After many long talks with God, I still didn’t understand how He could put such a strong and deep desire in my heart for a baby, but was making me wait. I knew that I’d have a baby someday, but what I didn’t know was when or how my child would come. My doctor was confident that I’d be able to have kids one day, and this kept me on the path to get pregnant.

After almost six months on hormone therapy my periods started!!!!! I was ecstatic! I was praising God for His miracle that now pregnancy was a possibility. Although I got my period back, it was not consistent. I had an ultrasound done to see if I was ovulating and I wasn’t. After finding out this information, I was devastated and found myself once again asking God why? It seems silly now to me how I went from happy bliss towards God to disappointment so quickly

I began praying more often but wasn’t truly letting go and letting God take over. For the next 3 months, the plan was to start taking a medication to help me ovulate and then to plan conception. For two years I had been crying regularly and couldn’t understand why God needed me to wait. After all, He was the one who put this desire in my heart…

After two of the three months passed on this ovulation medication, I was a complete mess. I was sick and tired of feeling helpless and disappointed! I mentally, emotionally and spiritually could not handle it and fell to my knees in prayer. I made the decision to stop the treatment to get pregnant and to let God take over.

This was HUGE for me! I had been trying to do this for months but always had one foot in and the other out. I now had to trust God completely that He had a plan… and sure enough, He did! I had continued to track my cycles but had no more medical intervention nor did I have that heart, heavy with disappointment. I stopped the medication in April of 2014 and conceived in September 2014! The Lord had answered my prayers and given me that baby He promised! 🙂 

Within days of finding out I was expecting, I then knew why I had to be patient for this gift. I was very sick with hyperemisis gravidarum until week 16, followed by migraines that could knock a full grown man to their knees. Both conditions caused hospital visits due to pain, dehydration, blindness, etc. I was pretty much bed ridden from week 4/5 to 21. It was awful.

Then, the migraines, vomiting, and blackouts let up. I found out at week 22 that we were having a girl!

dani1

I knew it all along but was always told “you never know”. I was so happy and once again, thanking God!

Little did I know that just a few weeks later, what I thought was my turn for the best became my turn for the hardest. At twenty-seven weeks along, I developed gestational hypertension. The following week, I was admitted to the hospital for 3 days due to high blood pressure and water retention. Within days of coming home, I went into kidney failure with Pre-Eclampsia and was told that without immediate intervention I would lose my life and my baby’s.

My daughter was born at 29 weeks to the day at 2lbs 7.2oz. She was a fighter, but I became more ill after delivery and ended up with Post-Eclampsia. It was days before I pulled through and could see my own daughter!

dani2

I still had a long road ahead with our stay in the NICU and my own recovery to health. But because of my faith and reliance on God, I was able to handle the situation.

He knew if He prolonged my waiting for a child,  I would eventually surrender (I’m very stubborn) and rely on Him wholeheartedly – and I did. Without His timing I would not have been prepared mentally, emotionally or spiritually. God gave me a peace when I had to deliver her. I was not concerned with anxiety but had faith it would all be okay. “God’s got this!”, I thought.

Each day I prayed for something new of healing with my daughter and every day each prayer was answered! God is amazing and works miracles!!

dani3

Because of His timing, I’ve gained patience, understanding and have learned humility! These were all my worst traits before, but now, they are my best! God knew what He was doing when He had me struggle with infertility. He was teaching me and preparing me for His bigger purpose…His bigger plan.

For anyone struggling with a desire of their heart they know the Lord placed there, rely solely on Him for it. He placed the desire, and will fulfill it one way or another. It may not be the way that you expect or take the you on the journey you thought you were prepared for, but He has a bigger plan for you than you have for yourself.

dani4

He says He has a purpose for you and a future! (Jeremiah 29:11) Take a moment today to reflect on what it may be that you are struggling to let God take control of…now try to think why? If you keep it simple, then the answer is simple – because you are not ready. But thankfully, He knows when you will be, and He’s preparing you! 🙂

In Christ,

Dani

Wasn’t that a beautiful story of God’s grace and love? Keep this one in your pocket, or on your bookmarks bar to uplift you when you feel like His Promises aren’t for you. They are. Remember, God doesn’t play favorites. (Acts 10:34) Craig and I are the proud Godparents of this amazing miracle, and can’t wait to share pictures from her baptism this weekend!

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TTC Tuesday

Mold Me & Make Me

TuesdayThe particular Bible study Craig and I have been working on mentions seeking God’s Will for your life. Over and over and over again. We have poured over the words and the scriptures associated with the study countless times. We have discussed everything, and talked about how God is working in our lives.

But somewhere along the way, I think we forgot that God’s Will for our lives isn’t always the same as what we WANT it to be. And sometimes it doesn’t seem “fair” – by human measures.

I remember thinking throughout my 20’s how badly I wanted a husband and to be married and settled down and to have a family of my own…But God had other plans for my life at that juncture.

Isaiah 64:8

 But now, O Lord,
You are our Father;
We are the clay, and You our potter;
And all we are the work of Your hand

When the time was right, and the Lord had molded me into more of the person He meant for me to become, ( I am still so far away from that person!) He directed me – and I followed Him – to the most wonderful man on Earth, and a perfect mate for me, my now husband. I recall all of the frustration and the years of waiting for Craig – and I recall a host of poor decisions I made during those years. What trouble and waiting would I have been spared had I simply allowed God to direct my life up to that point?

Craig & I both got married under the assumption we would be blessed with a child right away. Neither of us had any known health issues. We were secure financially. We were readyBut God didn’t agree. Here we sit, more than a year and a half later with 2 surgeries under our belt and a long list of other medical items to follow…Here we sit with no positive pregnancy tests, to date. If God’s Will for our marriage right now was to have a child, He would have blessed us already. He is all-powerful.

So what if we stopped thinking about what we want, and resolved to follow God along the path He has aligned for us knowing He will not forsake us. Having faith that He will bless us.

Romans 2:11

For there is no partiality with God.

That’s right. God does not play favorites – Remembering this has been helpful as we have navigated these stormy waters. He will bless us. We will have children. No matter what doctors tell us or science claims, with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

Interestingly, the moment we ‘gave up’ and let God put us into the palm of His Hand, He began to answer prayers we hadn’t thought of in months – with all the preoccupation on His not having blessed us with children. He began to mold us in ways neither of us could have imagined. Heartstrings that had been being tugged for years, but had been pushed aside because the enemy instills FEAR and DOUBT, were brought back to life, with HOPE and EXCITEMENT!

Romans 8:28

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

No matter where you are in your walk with Christ, He can turn it around. He can turn your pain into joy, and your mistakes into TREASURE. There is nothing that is impossible with God. Not one single thing. No matter what doctors or science or society says.

God is busy in our marriage right this second! He has some AMAZING things in store for us. The more we bend to His Will, and let go of our own, the more He blesses us and shows us the most beautiful things – right in front of our eyes for so long.

I like to think of our infertility journey in this way: If we hadn’t put so many roadblocks to God’s plan in our lives earlier on, how much sooner would He have brought Craig and I together? I mean, we did live less than a mile from each other without knowing it at one point in our single lives… How much sooner will He increase our family if we stop getting in the way of His well-laid plans?

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xoxo

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TTC Tuesday

The Waiting Game

TuesdaySo, this Tuesday, we thought we might have some good news for you…a miracle to share… but we don’t. Not this time. As I was reading one of my favorite blogs’, Waiting For Baby Bird, posts this morning (which you can see too if you’ll click on the link), I completely identified and empathized with my fellow infertile friend. Waiting on God’s timing is tough, especially when that “perfect” timing comes along – in your eyes, that is.

Each time I think about how this day or that month or this situation is PERFECT in every way, shape and form for our miracle conception, I remember that God’s timing and choosing of my perfect spouse was perfect – but I was “ready” (in my mind) MUCH sooner – like YEARS before He brought us together. But waiting on God was the best thing that could ever have happened in my life. So we are waiting and trusting in the Lord for our precious miracle to come along. 

He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord!  Psalm 113:9

In other TTC news, more fun is around the corner for usWe thought we might possibly be finished with minor surgeries…but alas, we were wrong! About six months ago, I had an HSG (or hysterosalpingogram) test done and my former unhelpful doctor concluded from the results I had a polyp on my right ovary, which resulted in surgery to remove it in October.

SurgeryThe surgery was the first step to getting things on the right track, and thankfully, we were led to our new and thorough and wonderful doctor who showed us the test results from the HSG…and so, we are gearing up for a tuboplasty on Wednesday afternoon, for which I will be under general anesthesia…We are praying this is another step in the right direction…

…and maintaining our faith that the timing and the miracle God has in store for us is more amazing than anything we could possibly fathom.

Ephesians 3:20

Glory to God, who is able to do far beyond all that we could ask or imagine by his power at work within us;

Rest. That sounds great right about now. Prayers – Much appreciated. 🙂

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TTC Tuesday

Follow The Leader

TuesdayTTC Tuesday…While Craig’s most favorite “blogging day of the week” is Thirsty For Christ Thursday, it’s a toss-up for me between Tuesday and Thursday. Some people have asked why on earth we have chosen to share such an intimate facet of our marriage, and our answer is: we were led to. Believe me, I was not excited about sharing our pain with the world in the beginning…but I do feel God is using Craig & I to bring others to Him, and our pain of infertility is an invitation for many to get to know us.

When I was (finally) diagnosed with PCOS, it was a shocker…I didn’t know much about the disease and I was scared…but I was also glad to know what was behind our infertility. God took this rotten time and discovery in our lives to introduce us to some wonderful people who inspired  us with their stories of infertility and both successful and unsuccessful outcomes, and He led us to where we needed to be – not to another doctor (although we found an awesome one – finally!) but to Him.

Winter Jam 2014 was out of this world amazing, and one of the awesome tidbits we gleaned from it is this: Many times, while singing a powerful song to the Lord, people lift up their arms in praise. As very conservative Catholic Christians, every time Craig and I have been in an event where this happens, I think we feel nervous…and like, maybe if we “participate” we’ll be doing it just to “fit in”… The preacher/speaker at Winter Jam told us this: Lifting up your arms to the Lord is not, and SHOULD not be about show. It is not about fitting in.

When children want to be picked up, what do they do?

How beautiful…It brought me to tears and to a realization of Christ as my true Heavenly Father. I was awestruck at the thought and lifted one arm up to the Lord, praying, “Please help us. We NEED you.” I didn’t feel embarrassed or out of place or nervous. I felt at home.

Psalm 107:19-21

Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress.  He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave.  Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.

Listen to that still, small voice  of God. He will lead you to do incredible things you never imagined. He will lead you into situations that teach you and bless you. Reach out to the Lord, your FATHER, and allow Him to heal you and save you. 
xoxo