We have a special special treat for you today! One of my dearest did us the honor of authoring a guest post for this edition of ‘Thank You, Jesus! Tuesday’ and boy, does she have a powerful journey to share!
So…a Looooonng while back I was asked to share my experience with infertility and how waiting on the Lord was a challenge. I’ve been married 3 years this November and when we were married I wanted a baby like “yesterday”!
However, there was a button on pause for us. I had been on the Depo-Provera shot for 3 injections prior to marriage to help with my hormonal imbalances, but this caused my pituitary gland to essentially “turn off”. With this crucially important gland not functioning, my body was not able to create the proper hormones which make uterine lining, ovulation and proper mucus.
The doctor’s rule was I couldn’t be considered infertile until I tried naturally to conceive for one full year. I can’t put into words how hard it was to know that for one year “all I could do” was pray. Sounds silly that I was disappointed by this, right? I didn’t feel that way at the time.
I was impatient and frustrated and sad as the months passed with no period and therefore, no possible pregnancy. After a year of marriage, I was ready to get into that doctor’s office and “DO” something! At first, I was put on hormone medications to hopefully, kick-start my brain into producing the hormones naturally. Oh how I prayed to God that He would make this work! I wanted Him to give me instant results, as my heart was aching for a precious baby.
After many long talks with God, I still didn’t understand how He could put such a strong and deep desire in my heart for a baby, but was making me wait. I knew that I’d have a baby someday, but what I didn’t know was when or how my child would come. My doctor was confident that I’d be able to have kids one day, and this kept me on the path to get pregnant.
After almost six months on hormone therapy my periods started!!!!! I was ecstatic! I was praising God for His miracle that now pregnancy was a possibility. Although I got my period back, it was not consistent. I had an ultrasound done to see if I was ovulating and I wasn’t. After finding out this information, I was devastated and found myself once again asking God why? It seems silly now to me how I went from happy bliss towards God to disappointment so quickly…
I began praying more often but wasn’t truly letting go and letting God take over. For the next 3 months, the plan was to start taking a medication to help me ovulate and then to plan conception. For two years I had been crying regularly and couldn’t understand why God needed me to wait. After all, He was the one who put this desire in my heart…
After two of the three months passed on this ovulation medication, I was a complete mess. I was sick and tired of feeling helpless and disappointed! I mentally, emotionally and spiritually could not handle it and fell to my knees in prayer. I made the decision to stop the treatment to get pregnant and to let God take over.
This was HUGE for me! I had been trying to do this for months but always had one foot in and the other out. I now had to trust God completely that He had a plan… and sure enough, He did! I had continued to track my cycles but had no more medical intervention nor did I have that heart, heavy with disappointment. I stopped the medication in April of 2014 and conceived in September 2014! The Lord had answered my prayers and given me that baby He promised! 🙂
Within days of finding out I was expecting, I then knew why I had to be patient for this gift. I was very sick with hyperemisis gravidarum until week 16, followed by migraines that could knock a full grown man to their knees. Both conditions caused hospital visits due to pain, dehydration, blindness, etc. I was pretty much bed ridden from week 4/5 to 21. It was awful.
Then, the migraines, vomiting, and blackouts let up. I found out at week 22 that we were having a girl!
I knew it all along but was always told “you never know”. I was so happy and once again, thanking God!
Little did I know that just a few weeks later, what I thought was my turn for the best became my turn for the hardest. At twenty-seven weeks along, I developed gestational hypertension. The following week, I was admitted to the hospital for 3 days due to high blood pressure and water retention. Within days of coming home, I went into kidney failure with Pre-Eclampsia and was told that without immediate intervention I would lose my life and my baby’s.
My daughter was born at 29 weeks to the day at 2lbs 7.2oz. She was a fighter, but I became more ill after delivery and ended up with Post-Eclampsia. It was days before I pulled through and could see my own daughter!
I still had a long road ahead with our stay in the NICU and my own recovery to health. But because of my faith and reliance on God, I was able to handle the situation.
He knew if He prolonged my waiting for a child, I would eventually surrender (I’m very stubborn) and rely on Him wholeheartedly – and I did. Without His timing I would not have been prepared mentally, emotionally or spiritually. God gave me a peace when I had to deliver her. I was not concerned with anxiety but had faith it would all be okay. “God’s got this!”, I thought.
Each day I prayed for something new of healing with my daughter and every day each prayer was answered! God is amazing and works miracles!!
Because of His timing, I’ve gained patience, understanding and have learned humility! These were all my worst traits before, but now, they are my best! God knew what He was doing when He had me struggle with infertility. He was teaching me and preparing me for His bigger purpose…His bigger plan.
For anyone struggling with a desire of their heart they know the Lord placed there, rely solely on Him for it. He placed the desire, and will fulfill it one way or another. It may not be the way that you expect or take the you on the journey you thought you were prepared for, but He has a bigger plan for you than you have for yourself.
He says He has a purpose for you and a future! (Jeremiah 29:11) Take a moment today to reflect on what it may be that you are struggling to let God take control of…now try to think why? If you keep it simple, then the answer is simple – because you are not ready. But thankfully, He knows when you will be, and He’s preparing you! 🙂
Wasn’t that a beautiful story of God’s grace and love? Keep this one in your pocket, or on your bookmarks bar to uplift you when you feel like His Promises aren’t for you. They are. Remember, God doesn’t play favorites. (Acts 10:34) Craig and I are the proud Godparents of this amazing miracle, and can’t wait to share pictures from her baptism this weekend!