The (Not-So) Newlywed Lefebvres
On Fire For Christ & Sharing Our Journey With The World
You should all, by now, know that I just love the blog “Waiting For Baby Bird”. Its author, Elisha, has been such an inspiration to me and Craig through our struggles with infertility.
The post I have included below is one I came across the other day, and it’s all about walking by FAITH.
Allow the Lord to speak to you through Elisha’s words.
For our life is a matter of faith, not of sight.
The particular Bible study Craig and I have been working on mentions seeking God’s Will for your life. Over and over and over again. We have poured over the words and the scriptures associated with the study countless times. We have discussed everything, and talked about how God is working in our lives.
But somewhere along the way, I think we forgot that God’s Will for our lives isn’t always the same as what we WANT it to be. And sometimes it doesn’t seem “fair” – by human measures.
I remember thinking throughout my 20’s how badly I wanted a husband and to be married and settled down and to have a family of my own…But God had other plans for my life at that juncture.
Craig & I both got married under the assumption we would be blessed with a child right away. Neither of us had any known health issues. We were secure financially. We were ready. But God didn’t agree. Here we sit, more than a year and a half later with 2 surgeries under our belt and a long list of other medical items to follow…Here we sit with no positive pregnancy tests, to date. If God’s Will for our marriage right now was to have a child, He would have blessed us already. He is all-powerful.
So what if we stopped thinking about what we want, and resolved to follow God along the path He has aligned for us knowing He will not forsake us. Having faith that He will bless us.
For there is no partiality with God.
That’s right. God does not play favorites – Remembering this has been helpful as we have navigated these stormy waters. He will bless us. We will have children. No matter what doctors tell us or science claims, with God ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
Interestingly, the moment we ‘gave up’ and let God put us into the palm of His Hand, He began to answer prayers we hadn’t thought of in months – with all the preoccupation on His not having blessed us with children. He began to mold us in ways neither of us could have imagined. Heartstrings that had been being tugged for years, but had been pushed aside because the enemy instills FEAR and DOUBT, were brought back to life, with HOPE and EXCITEMENT!
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
No matter where you are in your walk with Christ, He can turn it around. He can turn your pain into joy, and your mistakes into TREASURE. There is nothing that is impossible with God. Not one single thing. No matter what doctors or science or society says.
God is busy in our marriage right this second! He has some AMAZING things in store for us. The more we bend to His Will, and let go of our own, the more He blesses us and shows us the most beautiful things – right in front of our eyes for so long.
I like to think of our infertility journey in this way: If we hadn’t put so many roadblocks to God’s plan in our lives earlier on, how much sooner would He have brought Craig and I together? I mean, we did live less than a mile from each other without knowing it at one point in our single lives… How much sooner will He increase our family if we stop getting in the way of His well-laid plans?
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That’s right. We. Give. Up.
And we are giving it all to God.
For the past year and a half, (on Saturday, Craig & I celebrated one and a half years of marriage and three years of knowing each other!!!!), we have been trying and researching and going through treatments, therapies, tests, and surgeries in order to reach OUR goal – of having a child.
We still want children and a big family so much it makes our hearts ache, but we want something else even more…
To follow God wherever He leads us.
And obviously, He hasn’t led us to children – yet.
This isn’t to say we have given up on having children…but our first priority is going to be God’s will for our marriage.
I made the call to our fertility clinic yesterday, telling them we are taking a break from all of the testing and medications and hormones. And when I hung up the phone, I expected to feel defeated and saddened.
But I felt exactly the opposite. I felt immediately empowered and excited.
When God blesses Craig & I with a beautiful child – either by natural birth, embryo implantation or adoption – all the glory will be HIS.
In the meantime, I have felt a calling to something more. A calling from God to truly live for Him. We are discerning that call, and already doors are opening and He is speaking…and we have taken that first step – of obedience.
We gave up, and gave it to the Lord.
…since the eyes of your heart have been enlightened—so that you may know what is the hope of His calling, what is the wealth of His glorious inheritance in the saints…
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Maybe you noticed we didn’t post yesterday… Well, if you knew we were flying stand-by this past weekend, you might have guessed why we were missing…
Today’s post is a special supplement: a list of essentials to bring to the airport, just in case you’re flying stand-by:
Visit us tomorrow for a full recap of our crazy weekend!! If you’ve never seen the 1980’s classic “Planes, Trains, & Automobiles“… maybe you should watch it first for reference! 🙂
Don’t forget to enter the giveaway! This is the last week! You only have until Friday to enter to win the FREE ONE-YEAR SUBSCRIPTION TO iPARENT.tv! Today, all you have to do is enter your (confidential) information in the form below:
You know…sometimes as a Catholic fertility-challenged couple, life is hard – especially so. We get e-mails frequently, more than some of you might imagine, and one question people always seem to ask is:
Why don’t you try IVF?
Yikes…This question is always a touchy one to answer, so here is a general Catholic-doctrine-based answer to all of you who have asked – or may be wondering, silently:
This is not to say I/we condemn or judge anyone who chooses this solution for conception and infertility; however, I certainly have an issue with “cafeteria-style values and religion”, and the Catholic church teaches against this option…and we are Catholic Christians…
When I was allowing God to lead me to my husband via Catholic Match, there was a section in the profile in which you chose which parts of the faith you believed?!?!?! How can you SAY you’re a Catholic and not practice all the tenets of the faith? You cannot pick and choose which parts of a religion or values system you will follow! It’s all or nothing!
The point is:
Trust me, there have been millions of times during this year and a half when I have considered just taking that route. But if we are going to be Catholics, we are going to be Catholics 100%.
Fin.
Fortunately, we were blessed with two reader e-mails recently informing us of some Catholic-friendly options for infertility we weren’t even aware of! How could we not share?
Even if pursuing IVF is something you are currently involved with, perhaps these additional options would be worth looking into, as well. At any rate, as Christians -Catholic or Protestant – we know that all good things come from above:
17 All generous giving and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or the slightest hint of change.
If you are infertile, the most important thing you can do is to pour your heart out to God. If you are NOT infertile, praying for understanding and compassion, and for the Lord’s Will to be done in the lives and marriages of the infertile is so important.
27 And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible.
Pray. For with God, nothing is impossible.
*Don’t forget to enter the giveaway!!! Today, you can TWEET our blog link (use #newlywedlefebvres and @QuiteThePair in your tweet) or you can comment “Enter My Name” in the blog comments section – Doing both, or all 3 if you include yesterday’s chance, will grant you one submission for each ‘task’.
Someone pointed out to me the other day, the real trouble with infertility is you are walking around with a broken heart. No matter how much you are dying inside for the precious blessing of a child, you cannot make one appear.
And the more I thought about it, the more I realized we are in mourning.
Mourning for the life you planned out for yourself…and don’t have.
Mourning for the child you want to hold…and can’t.
Mourning for someone to be calling you “Mommy” or “Daddy”… who isn’t there.
The beautiful news is that our mourning can be replaced with the joy of the Lord! We aren’t equipped to “get through this” on our own, and we aren’t supposed to! Call on Him to help you through your mourning, your grief, your pity, your sadness.
For, as Hillsong sings in the song above:
When I call on Jesus, mountains are gonna fall, ’cause He’ll move Heaven and Earth to come rescue me when I call.
God is good, folks. He will pull you through. We just have to let Him.
Prayers for tomorrow, please.
We love you.
So, this Tuesday, we thought we might have some good news for you…a miracle to share… but we don’t. Not this time. As I was reading one of my favorite blogs’, Waiting For Baby Bird, posts this morning (which you can see too if you’ll click on the link), I completely identified and empathized with my fellow infertile friend. Waiting on God’s timing is tough, especially when that “perfect” timing comes along – in your eyes, that is.
Each time I think about how this day or that month or this situation is PERFECT in every way, shape and form for our miracle conception, I remember that God’s timing and choosing of my perfect spouse was perfect – but I was “ready” (in my mind) MUCH sooner – like YEARS before He brought us together. But waiting on God was the best thing that could ever have happened in my life. So we are waiting and trusting in the Lord for our precious miracle to come along.
He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord! Psalm 113:9
In other TTC news, more fun is around the corner for us! We thought we might possibly be finished with minor surgeries…but alas, we were wrong! About six months ago, I had an HSG (or hysterosalpingogram) test done and my former unhelpful doctor concluded from the results I had a polyp on my right ovary, which resulted in surgery to remove it in October.
The surgery was the first step to getting things on the right track, and thankfully, we were led to our new and thorough and wonderful doctor who showed us the test results from the HSG…and so, we are gearing up for a tuboplasty on Wednesday afternoon, for which I will be under general anesthesia…We are praying this is another step in the right direction…
…and maintaining our faith that the timing and the miracle God has in store for us is more amazing than anything we could possibly fathom.
Glory to God, who is able to do far beyond all that we could ask or imagine by his power at work within us;
Rest. That sounds great right about now. Prayers – Much appreciated. 🙂
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TTC Tuesday…While Craig’s most favorite “blogging day of the week” is Thirsty For Christ Thursday, it’s a toss-up for me between Tuesday and Thursday. Some people have asked why on earth we have chosen to share such an intimate facet of our marriage, and our answer is: we were led to. Believe me, I was not excited about sharing our pain with the world in the beginning…but I do feel God is using Craig & I to bring others to Him, and our pain of infertility is an invitation for many to get to know us.
When I was (finally) diagnosed with PCOS, it was a shocker…I didn’t know much about the disease and I was scared…but I was also glad to know what was behind our infertility. God took this rotten time and discovery in our lives to introduce us to some wonderful people who inspired us with their stories of infertility and both successful and unsuccessful outcomes, and He led us to where we needed to be – not to another doctor (although we found an awesome one – finally!) but to Him.
Winter Jam 2014 was out of this world amazing, and one of the awesome tidbits we gleaned from it is this: Many times, while singing a powerful song to the Lord, people lift up their arms in praise. As very conservative Catholic Christians, every time Craig and I have been in an event where this happens, I think we feel nervous…and like, maybe if we “participate” we’ll be doing it just to “fit in”… The preacher/speaker at Winter Jam told us this: Lifting up your arms to the Lord is not, and SHOULD not be about show. It is not about fitting in.
When children want to be picked up, what do they do?
How beautiful…It brought me to tears and to a realization of Christ as my true Heavenly Father. I was awestruck at the thought and lifted one arm up to the Lord, praying, “Please help us. We NEED you.” I didn’t feel embarrassed or out of place or nervous. I felt at home.
Psalm 107:19-21Then they cried to the LORD in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He sent forth his word and healed them; he rescued them from the grave. Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for men.
Yesterday at Pure Barre, at 6AM, there was a young lady in the front of the class…drinking a Starbucks Frappuccino…Yes, in the middle of class…While the rest of us were lifting, tucking and burning…She was half-heartedly going through the movements, rolling her eyes, as if saying, “I have better things to do!”.
Again, this morning…again, at 6AM, there was a different young lady at the front of the class…While she wasn’t drinking a Starbucks coffee, she was half-heartedly going through the movements, looking at her watch, rolling her eyes…
Now, it isn’t any of my business how you participate in your workout class. I’m not paying for your enrollment. But, my goodness, as my husband will attest, Pure Barre ain’t cheap! Why wake up in the morning early enough to make a 6AM class, and pay a premium to participate, if you aren’t going to give it your all and get something out of it?
We should be considering the trials and struggles and hardships we face in our lives in the same way. If you’re currently (or have ever been) trying to conceive, you know it is absolutely the definition of a trial, a struggle, a hardship. It is a disciplined routine of waiting, worry, panic, sadness, hope, and despair. It is hard not to get mucked down with depression after months and months and months (or even years) of placing all your hope in finally becoming parents, and having that hope dashed, repeatedly.
Here is what the Bible has to say about the heartaches and troubles we face here on Earth:
JAMES 1:2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds
So, we should be happy about struggle in our lives? Why?
JAMES 1:3-4 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Difficulties in our lives are times for learning, growth – a reawakening, if you will. As we face something challenging, we should look to see what God could be teaching us as we navigate through the rough waters. One of the greatest men the world has ever known, the apostle, Paul, says (regarding the perpetual ‘thorn in his side’):
2 Corinthians 12:8-10 Concerning this I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.
What life lessons could we learn through the struggle of infertility? Here are some benefits and lessons Craig & I have gained as we have faced this storm in our life head on:
And those are just some of the things we have learned or gained from this angry storm cloud called infertility. I am not, in any way, shape, form or fashion, saying this is fun, ‘not a big deal’, or easy; however, we should absolutely take our trials and grow, learn, and prosper from them.
Just as those two girls in Pure Barre this week were not taking advantage of the workout going on right under their noses, we cannot let the lessons and significant opportunities of our pain and difficulty pass us by. What a waste it would be to sit around and mope (although, the easiest way to pass the time…)… We should be using our time in the tunnel wisely.
Today’s post isn’t going to be too long, but I feel led to post this today. Sometimes, in the land of infertility, (and in life, in general) we complain, and sigh, and grumble constantly. But where is our faith?
5 We have been made right with God because of our faith. So we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 2 Through our faith, Christ has brought us into that blessing of God’s grace that we now enjoy. And we are very happy because of the hope we have of sharing God’s glory.3 And we are also happy with the troubles we have. Why are we happy with troubles? Because we know that these troubles make us more patient.4 And this patience is proof that we are strong. And this proof gives us hope. 5 And this hope will never disappoint us. We know this because God has poured out his love to fill our hearts through the Holy Spirit he gave us.
Craig & I, and some of those closest to us, have been the recipients of Jesus’ healing power through faith, patience, perseverance, & prayer. We have to get out of the mindset that the world is out to get us. God wants nothing but the very best for His children. So allow Him to bless you, to heal you.
Ask Him for healing, for help, for blessings, and then have faith, and THANK HIM for all you have and everything He will grant you.
Whether your cross to bear is infertility, disease, depression:
Why spend the precious time God gave each of us on this Earth being sad and dejected? Have hope and faith and a thankful heart.
Today we are thanking the Lord for His healing and His promises. Thank you, Jesus, for all the many blessings and answered prayers.
When the doubt and the worry and the anxiousness start to overtake you, thank Him and continue thanking Him because our list of blessings never runs out – no matter how little we think we have.
Keep The Faith!
The (Not-So) Newlywed Lefebvres 
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